Category Sobriety

I’m Six in Sober Years!

I hit six years sober earlier this week. I don’t remember much about turning six the first time around. I had a new baby sister who had been born just a month beforehand. I liked to draw, and I, very briefly, had a ballet phase. I was really shy but feisty. I played soccer, and […]

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2,630,360 Minutes Sober

Hi, my name is Elyse, and I am an alcoholic. Today I have five years sober, and my drinking days are starting to feel further and further away. Almost surreal in a way. Was there really a time when I drank secretly at night until I passed out? That seems like an entirely different person. […]

The Places I’ve Been

Dang, it’s been a long time since I’ve made an appearance here! I’ve had what I am calling “mental health adventures” these last few months. Which makes struggling sound almost doable, right? I decided I should make myself a Mental Health Bucket List (fyi it totally works retroactively): -Self-medicate with alcohol, get sober. (Check) -Try […]

The Gift of Desperation

In AA we have this phrase we use, sometimes we refer to “the gift of desperation.” Meaning, that point of being so desperate that we were finally willing to do whatever it took to make changes, to try something new, to get better. It is the gift of desperation that brings us into the rooms […]

Relapse is a Bitch

In the AA meetings that I have been attending lately, I seem to be hearing again and again about friends or friends of friends relapsing. Either this is happening more than usual, or I am more in tune to it than normal. When I hear that a close friend has relapsed, there is a brief […]

Even My Barbies Are Mean To Me

A REFLECTION ON BEING FOUR YEARS SOBER                   Yesterday I celebrated four years sober. I spent the days leading up to it, and even much of the day itself, thinking, “I don’t want to be sober today.”  Really, I do want to be sober. What I don’t […]

It’s Getting Harder Now

I have been reflecting lately on the process of recovery and sobriety, growth and change. In some ways, early sobriety was a lot harder than it is now, but in other ways it was easier. In the early days, there was a lot of day by day, minute by minute, wrestling with my addictive behavior […]

You Never Said Goodbye

I’m not a fan of goodbyes. The temporary kind, sure; the permanent kind, not so much. Death, when it comes suddenly, makes the possibility for a “good” goodbye difficult. That is a concept I learned about a number of years ago when working as a volunteer facilitator with a grief support group. Death makes the […]

Feeding my Addictions

Some days I wake up with a hangover pounding in my head. Just a few mornings ago for instance. Only, I haven’t had a drink in eight months. I did, however, consume my body-weight in sugar over the few days surrounding Christmas. This may sound like an exaggeration (and it may be a teeny little […]

God Grant Me . . .

If I were more prone to sermonizing, or to giving speeches, or actually just to talking in general, I could give a whole long discussion on The Serenity Prayer. Because it is so succinct and memorable, and it’s all the prayer you ever need, right from the first word: God. Sometimes that is as far […]