Category Recovery

It’s Getting Harder Now

I have been reflecting lately on the process of recovery and sobriety, growth and change. In some ways, early sobriety was a lot harder than it is now, but in other ways it was easier. In the early days, there was a lot of day by day, minute by minute, wrestling with my addictive behavior […]

I Don’t Even Know Your Name

Your hands shaped the way I see myself, directed the dreams I dream at night, created the pictures I see in the shadows when I should be sleeping. I am furiously and frantically enraged, but I don’t know where to direct it: I don’t even know your name. I don’t know how to grieve that […]

A Different Kind of Coming Out Story

I frequently wake up in the middle of the night terrified that someone is standing over me as I lie in bed. Or convinced that someone is lurking in my doorway. Or leering from the darkened closet. Most often I freeze in those moments, held by some long-ago rule that tells me if I do […]

Tough As Nails

It has been a longstanding dream of mine that someone in my life would look at me and say, “Elyse, you are way too depressed and overwhelmed to be working full-time. Especially a stressful social work job. You should take a break.” This was the stuff of fantasies and daydreams. I had long, wistful talks […]

You Never Said Goodbye

I’m not a fan of goodbyes. The temporary kind, sure; the permanent kind, not so much. Death, when it comes suddenly, makes the possibility for a “good” goodbye difficult. That is a concept I learned about a number of years ago when working as a volunteer facilitator with a grief support group. Death makes the […]

December is Made for Heartache

Today my little sister would have been 22-years-old. Holy cow. It’s crazy to think about. Crazy that someone who was not around for very long can leave such a lasting impact. Surreal to imagine my toddler sister growing up and becoming a woman. My baby sister was just a little over one-year old when she […]

When You’ve Been Single Long Enough . . .

So I’m 27-years-old, and dating for the first time in a long time. My theoretical past dating life was complicated by some major depression, some closet alcoholism, and a general dislike of being vulnerable and letting people get to know me. All great reasons not to date, kids! Now though, I am more willing and […]