Category Grief

All The Things I Learned From You

At some point, my grandfather decided to not read most of my blog posts because they are “too sad.” Which is a fair point, I suppose. However, this post is about him, so he’ll probably read it. Sorry Gramps, cause some of it is sad. I can’t help myself. In fact, let’s just jump right […]

I Don’t Even Know Your Name

Your hands shaped the way I see myself, directed the dreams I dream at night, created the pictures I see in the shadows when I should be sleeping. I am furiously and frantically enraged, but I don’t know where to direct it: I don’t even know your name. I don’t know how to grieve that […]

A Different Kind of Coming Out Story

I frequently wake up in the middle of the night terrified that someone is standing over me as I lie in bed. Or convinced that someone is lurking in my doorway. Or leering from the darkened closet. Most often I freeze in those moments, held by some long-ago rule that tells me if I do […]

Innocence Lost

innocence [in–uh-suh ns] Noun 1. the quality or state of being innocent; freedom from sin or moral wrong. 2. freedom from legal guilt of a particular crime or offense. 3. simplicity; absence of guile or cunning; naiveté. 4. lack of knowledge or understanding. 5. harmlessness; innocuousness. 6. chastity. What does it mean to lose your […]

You Never Said Goodbye

I’m not a fan of goodbyes. The temporary kind, sure; the permanent kind, not so much. Death, when it comes suddenly, makes the possibility for a “good” goodbye difficult. That is a concept I learned about a number of years ago when working as a volunteer facilitator with a grief support group. Death makes the […]

December is Made for Heartache

Today my little sister would have been 22-years-old. Holy cow. It’s crazy to think about. Crazy that someone who was not around for very long can leave such a lasting impact. Surreal to imagine my toddler sister growing up and becoming a woman. My baby sister was just a little over one-year old when she […]

Always In My Heart

My grandma’s death was one of the most beautiful and terrible experiences of my life. The day she died was a grey and rainy day in the middle of summer -which later we would comment as being funny timing. The dreariness coming as a surprise in the middle of a string of sunny days. The […]