Author Archives: Elyse Brouhard

Happy Birthday, Fair-Bear!

Happy birthday to one of the best people in my life! I met Farielle on the very first day of college, when we were both eighteen. We were in the same group for freshman orientation week. I remember thinking that she was beautiful. She doesn’t remember that she met me lol. Farielle is so many […]

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The Faces Have No Eyes

Sometimes I write blog posts as a means to connect to you all, or in an attempt to communicate something I find profound. Today, this post is simply me needing to put words into the universe.  When I wake after dreaming that I have been molested or sexually assaulted, I can still feel the fingers […]

I’m Six in Sober Years!

I hit six years sober earlier this week. I don’t remember much about turning six the first time around. I had a new baby sister who had been born just a month beforehand. I liked to draw, and I, very briefly, had a ballet phase. I was really shy but feisty. I played soccer, and […]

My Personal Intro to Christian Mysticism

Mysticism is a weird word, and for most people probably a particularly strange word to pair with “Christian.” It is a description I have come to embrace more over the years. Really, “Christian Mysticism” is such a broad umbrella label that many different facets of things fit under it—not all of which I would agree […]

Boxing, Being a Badass, and Other Life Goals

I took up boxing this month. I have been saying that I would do it for about a year. I finally did it, after convincing the neighbor kid to do it with me. She may sometimes regret that decision now, but she’s hardcore and competitive. She kicks my butt in cardio. I have so much […]

What Does it Mean to be Suicidal and Hopeful?

Two years ago, a friend of mine committed suicide. His name was Steve. When I first heard that he was dead, I was heartbroken. I was jealous. I was fiercely jealous that he had killed himself, he had gone through with it, he had died, and I had not. At the same time, I felt […]

Where is God When I’m Suicidal?

Today is a beautiful day. Sixty-eight degrees, blue sky and sunshine. It is the kind of day you want to drink in slowly. And I am itching to kill myself. It is a compelling and urgent kind of suicidality. It has force to it. It is its own beast, removed from the context of my […]

When Being Single Is Enough

  I think about being single a fair amount. Seeing as I am single most of the time. Actually, if you calculate out the percentage, I have been single for 91% of my adult life. It’s okay and it’s not okay, it has its awful moments and its wonderful moments. Newly into my 30s, I […]

Work of the Lord

  A poem for my friend, Dave   Work of the Lord And the floor falls out from beneath you like you’ve been skating on ice, only you didn’t see the cracks. Fissures run from the crystalline, in between the pause of your breath. You don’t know the words but it may be that your […]

Sensitive

I feel everything. I feel everything like it is physically touching my soul. It is the experience when the sunset makes you want to cry, every single time. Where the laugh of a child feels like the hand of God on your back. The grass on your bare feet is a million sensations in each […]