Monthly Archives: March 2019

Boxing, Being a Badass, and Other Life Goals

I took up boxing this month. I have been saying that I would do it for about a year. I finally did it, after convincing the neighbor kid to do it with me. She may sometimes regret that decision now, but she’s hardcore and competitive. She kicks my butt in cardio. I have so much […]


What Does it Mean to be Suicidal and Hopeful?

Two years ago, a friend of mine committed suicide. His name was Steve. When I first heard that he was dead, I was heartbroken. I was jealous. I was fiercely jealous that he had killed himself, he had gone through with it, he had died, and I had not. At the same time, I felt […]

Where is God When I’m Suicidal?

Today is a beautiful day. Sixty-eight degrees, blue sky and sunshine. It is the kind of day you want to drink in slowly. And I am itching to kill myself. It is a compelling and urgent kind of suicidality. It has force to it. It is its own beast, removed from the context of my […]

When Being Single Is Enough

  I think about being single a fair amount. Seeing as I am single most of the time. Actually, if you calculate out the percentage, I have been single for 91% of my adult life. It’s okay and it’s not okay, it has its awful moments and its wonderful moments. Newly into my 30s, I […]