Heartless

glass_heartPhoto by Jess Mann via Wikimedia Commons

Shut tight, solid
steel vault door, only
no one knows the access codes.
And you’re a maze
even to yourself. It’s amazing how
distant you can be, when
all I am offering is
love.

It’s true, I’m sorry,
my heart is like a diamond turning back
to coal.
It’s been sold and bought, stolen,
I’ve forgotten where I last saw it:
somewhere trampled and buried underfoot,
I had to leave it behind
long ago.

You are a stone wall, resigned
to settling
for less.
Protest and dissent have become
unwritten rules
you can’t help but follow.
You won’t allow me to
come
any closer.

Yes, I’m guarded,
lost even to myself.
I have a map,
but it’s written in a language
I never learned to speak.
I am defeated,
walking on broken bones.
I’ve never felt so
simultaneously together and alone.

There are bruises decorating
my pride, from every time
I have tried to extend my heart to you.
You seem hell-bent on hurting
everything,
overthinking until you’ve
wasted
happiness which you never even tasted.

I’m sorry, again.
I’m tired and spent,
continually proffering you
regrets.
Because you are asking for something I
cannot offer. With every breath
I feel more like a monster:
Frankenstein creation shoddily crafted.
But sir, you’re a volunteer in this fight
you were never drafted.

Cold to the touch,
there’s a pulse but no
heartbeat.
What you keep dealing, sweetheart,
this is counterfeit, and I want
none of it.
I’m all in for the battle, but
some of this war you are waging
against yourself.

If this is a war,
I am losing on both sides.
I can’t decide
how to move forward.
I’m stuck in this heartsick place,
afraid to face myself.
Checkmate in a twisted game,
I’m an inmate in my own head.
I’ve lost my heart, and it may in fact
just be dead.

Beautiful, your heart
is poetry;
and this is more than chemistry.
Where you see chaos,
I see symmetry.
Your life is meant to be a ministry,
but you’re in pieces,
and we need all of you.
We all know this is long
overdue, so face the wreckage and
I promise we’ll be there with you.

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One comment

  1. Beautiful I love the movement, wonderfully done – I can feel the love ❤
    I think you would like some of my work 😉
    Thank you for sharing this piece of you.

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