I have been reflecting lately on the process of recovery and sobriety, growth and change. In some ways, early sobriety was a lot harder than it is now, but in other ways it was easier. In the early days, there was a lot of day by day, minute by minute, wrestling with my addictive behavior […]

To be entirely honest, I procrastinated getting you a Mother’s Day present. Or getting you a card. But I’m not really a fan of most Mother’s Day cards anyway. I actually had a conversation earlier today about the challenge of finding a good greeting card: so many cards are just full of cliches or hyperbolic […]

Your hands shaped the way I see myself, directed the dreams I dream at night, created the pictures I see in the shadows when I should be sleeping. I am furiously and frantically enraged, but I don’t know where to direct it: I don’t even know your name. I don’t know how to grieve that […]

There is something unique to struggle that it can be at once a great bridge between people when solidarity is found in relating through similar hardships, but on the other extreme can make you feel terribly alone despite being surrounded and loved. There is such an individual nature to each of our particular sufferings, that […]

I frequently wake up in the middle of the night terrified that someone is standing over me as I lie in bed. Or convinced that someone is lurking in my doorway. Or leering from the darkened closet. Most often I freeze in those moments, held by some long-ago rule that tells me if I do […]

When it comes down to it, it is often the little things that get me out of bed in the morning. On Monday for instance, I had a badass outfit to wear. Seriously folks, that’s what ultimately convinced me to not snooze my alarm for the fifth time. I’m telling you, it’s joy in the […]

It has been a longstanding dream of mine that someone in my life would look at me and say, “Elyse, you are way too depressed and overwhelmed to be working full-time. Especially a stressful social work job. You should take a break.” This was the stuff of fantasies and daydreams. I had long, wistful talks […]