Sometimes I write blog posts as a means to connect to you all, or in an attempt to communicate something I find profound. Today, this post is simply me needing to put words into the universe.  When I wake after dreaming that I have been molested or sexually assaulted, I can still feel the fingers […]

I hit six years sober earlier this week. I don’t remember much about turning six the first time around. I had a new baby sister who had been born just a month beforehand. I liked to draw, and I, very briefly, had a ballet phase. I was really shy but feisty. I played soccer, and […]

Mysticism is a weird word, and for most people probably a particularly strange word to pair with “Christian.” It is a description I have come to embrace more over the years. Really, “Christian Mysticism” is such a broad umbrella label that many different facets of things fit under it—not all of which I would agree […]

I took up boxing this month. I have been saying that I would do it for about a year. I finally did it, after convincing the neighbor kid to do it with me. She may sometimes regret that decision now, but she’s hardcore and competitive. She kicks my butt in cardio. I have so much […]

Two years ago, a friend of mine committed suicide. His name was Steve. When I first heard that he was dead, I was heartbroken. I was jealous. I was fiercely jealous that he had killed himself, he had gone through with it, he had died, and I had not. At the same time, I felt […]

Today is a beautiful day. Sixty-eight degrees, blue sky and sunshine. It is the kind of day you want to drink in slowly. And I am itching to kill myself. It is a compelling and urgent kind of suicidality. It has force to it. It is its own beast, removed from the context of my […]

  I think about being single a fair amount. Seeing as I am single most of the time. Actually, if you calculate out the percentage, I have been single for 91% of my adult life. It’s okay and it’s not okay, it has its awful moments and its wonderful moments. Newly into my 30s, I […]